I should have known

I wish I'd shown dh my blog on Friday. He was adament he was going out even though I asked him not to. He said he'd go for an hour. 4 hours later he came home and couldn't see the problem. I just exploded like a bomb waiting to go off. I now know why I did that as mother nature has been playing havoc with my cycle again. So a huge case of PMT and dh not listening didn't help.

It transpires that when I said we should start over he wrongly presumed that I was completely forgiving him and that everything was back to normal. It's only just sinking in that I don't accept this brushing under the carpet malarky and that we need to start again properly with a little thought for me and my feelings. I've also realised that I need to be more open about how I feel. Unfortunately dh doesn't tend to listen and hence why I explode as it's the only way he takes notice.

I'm not proud of how I reacted on Friday but maybe it's what had to happen to make him take notice. Yesterday was tense and Eilidh wasn't helping matters with her attitude. To the point that I stomped out of the car and locked myself in the house when we should have been going to ballet. I get fed up of her telling me everything is my fault regardless of what the actual problem is. Things were tense when dh and I went out but improved by the evening when I apologised for my actions.

Hopefully we will get more us time to talk and not constantly feel like we're trying to grab moments between things. I really do not want to throw away a relationship of 11 years. But dh needs to learn to take his part. Maybe one day he will surprise me.

However it is mother's day next week and my daughter is scouring the net at age 8 looking for jewellery for me. I've tried telling her all I want is a hug and I Love You but it's not going in. Luckily my baby boy just gives me a kiss and a smile before heading on his way.

Hopefully sometime soon I will have some happy posts in my blog. Something nice to look back on instead of all the horribleness of the last week.